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Nicodemus

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Misc Bits [Dec. 3rd, 2009|09:55 pm]
Nicodemus

  • You've seen the Muppets doing Bohemian Rhapsody, right? Good.

  • Stupid Criminals - Bank robbers ended up storming a funeral home by mistake. They had to be informed the bank was next door (and they went on to rob that, so this becomes less funny).

  • Heroic Criminals - Inmates in a Florida prison came to a guard's rescue when he was attack by an inmate while manning a security desk. Deputy Moon was suddenly assaulted and being strangled when at least four other inmates came to his help, knocking away his attacker and grabbing Moon's radio to call for help. (The security video is shown in the story. Amazing.)

  • People keep saying that evolution just can't be right because we don't see it happening. Actually, we see it frequently; the thing is it often happens faster in smaller fast-reproducing creatures which aren't as interesting as big visible things like, say, birds... Except that now it appears humans are causing speciation to occur in the european blackcap songbird population. Wow! (Let's hope they keep the birdfeeding hobby going for another couple centuries.)

  • Finally, a recent discovery for me... Some of the absolute worst purple prose ever published. Seriously, check it out. Don't believe me when I say it's bad...

    The scene is basically a magical faerie king ("Spikenard") ogling a maiden before assaulting her. The bulk of it is just describing her in nonsensical metaphor:


    As Spikenard watched, Bronwyn slipped the transparent cloak from her shoulders; it fell with a whisper. She let her hands drop to her sides; she pulled her shoulders back and stood erect, feet apart, legs straight. This is what he saw:
    [...]
    Her face had the fragrance of a gibbous moon. The scent of fresh snow. Her eyes were dark birds in fresh snow. They were the birds' shadows, they were mirrors; they were the legends on old charts. They were antique armor and the tears of dragons. Her brows were a raptor's sharp, anxious wings. They were a pair of scythes. Her ears were a puzzle carved in ivory. Her teeth were her only bracelet; she carried them within the red velvet purse of her lips. Her tongue was amber. Her tongue was a ferret, an anemone, a fox caught in the teeth of a tiger.
    [...]
    His long fingers reached towards her face, brushed her eyelids . . .
    "Your eyes are the sound of rain."
    . . . followed the contours of her cheekbones and jaw . . .
    "Chalkbeds and moonlight."
    . . . down her neck like curious spiders . . .
    "Bottles of wine, covered with dew, and otters."


    I dare you to read that without cracking up. And it mentions a ferret, fox, tiger, and otter so it must be furry, right? ;) And remember that telling someone that their neck looks like bottles of wine and otters is a killer pick-up line! (Obscure tangent: Makes me think of Hirosaki.)
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: marko_the_rat
2009-12-04 08:49 am (UTC)
I felt as if I was rushing headlong into the prose. Very disorientating. And the muddled metaphors were just weird. It is mystifying how some stuff gets into print.
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[User Picture]From: nicodemusrat
2009-12-05 04:58 am (UTC)
Cool. Well now you can tell him that he's feeding birds... FOR SCIENCE!
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[User Picture]From: sabotlours
2009-12-04 03:34 pm (UTC)
I couldn't make it without loling.
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[User Picture]From: orv
2009-12-04 06:47 pm (UTC)
Sounds like the Piers Anthony school of writing.
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[User Picture]From: rummy_raccoon
2009-12-04 06:58 pm (UTC)
That bird article is very interesting. Especially the part about breeding the two groups to create offspring that flew in between their parents. I know a huge part of evolution is just surviving organisms passing on their unique dna but I strongly believe in some type of cellular memory. This has to play a hand in evolution. I believe memories are passed down to offspring. Have there been any good explanations for instincts? We still don't have an explanation for how memories are stored. I think this may be the new frontier in the future.
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[User Picture]From: kinkyturtle
2009-12-04 10:05 pm (UTC)
Her buttocks were eggs and a fist!

About halfway through I found myself reading it in the voice of Garrison Keillor. It didn't make it any less funny!
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[User Picture]From: nicodemusrat
2009-12-05 12:48 am (UTC)
"It was just another case of anatomical confusion for... Guy Noire."
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