September 21st, 2007

Cy Coon: Hide/Oops

News: Things Not To Do

Things which have recently floated by...

  • Pluto goes ballistic - One part of being a character performer is that you can never ever ever do this. No matter what the kid might've done to deserve it. Bad dog.

  • Oregon Duck Beats Up Houston Cougar - Maybe it's more acceptable if it's sports mascots? This is still crossing the line and can't be fun publicity for either of the teams involved. Bad duck.

  • Do Not Put Snakes In Your Mouth - A man was bitten after shoving a rattlesnake in his mouth. As Samuel L. Jackson would say: Motherf***ing snakes on a motherf***ing tongue. In a burst of honesty, the man said, "You can assume alcohol was involved."

  • Do Not Rob Karate Schools - When picking stick-up targets, do not go for that place with all the people gathered together practicing how to beat on bad guys. Can we assume alcohol (or other drugs) were involved here?

  • Do Not Rob Police Training Grounds - When picking a place for a robbery, do not choose the warehouse that's being used to train police dogs. I've been to Antioch and I know it's not exciting, but there have to be better ways to get your kicks.

  • Fighting Dirty for Denture-Wearers - If you're in a fight, you can try to disarm your opponent. But grabbing their false teeth out of their mouth is not generally how it's done. The police charge: robbery.