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Yesterday's Commute - Rat Ramblings [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Nicodemus

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Yesterday's Commute [Jun. 24th, 2005|08:21 am]
Nicodemus
*click*

"... so c'mon down to Lexus Chevrolet GM Hummer Infiniti Mercedes of Burlinton to get a great deal on a new '05 Chevy the Hutt! Now with cargo capacity for your whole family, plus the dog, plus the cat, plus your neighbors, plus the kitchen sink and fridge!"

"Only half of one vehicle available at the advertised price. 'MPG' on stickers refers to 'meters per gallon'. MSRPVINCDGMACPDQ."

*upbeat music cue*

"Well, it's time now for a traffic update, here on KARZ 'all news but mostly traffic these days'. So we start off with Julie at the brige."

"Well, Steve, the good news is that the toll plaza is clear this morning. Almost no traffic to get onto the bridge."

"Thanks, Julie. Now we turn to our eye in the sky, 'air four', with the latest on the peninsula commute."

"Traffic's moving smoothly on the major peninsula freeways. Expect no major delays travelling up or down."

"Good news. Finally, we turn to Margie, who's got the latest on the central freeway which everyone has to drive on to get to work."

"Steve, unfortunately we do have some traffic here, down at the major interchange. It looks like, proceeding southbound, a car managed to hit a motorcycle, a minivan, a big-rig, the median, and a light pole. This pile-up is blocking all southbound lanes, most northbound lanes, several interchange ramps, and --because of flying debris-- nearby streets."

"Uh-oh! That doesn't sound like a good commute."

"That's right, Steve. Additionally, the big-rig tanker was evidently carrying lighter fluid and the fallen light pole has now ignited it. The entire freeway is basically covered with a huge bonfire of twisted vehicles. People have started abandoning their cars and fleeing on foot."

"Well, that's not..."

"Also, evidently, a great crack has opened in the earth and demons are swarming out and consuming the souls of the motorists, pulling the screaming masses down into an ever-widening pit of Hell amid the rising fires and the backdrop of the gibbering, howling throng trying to escape their doom."

"...so, uh, avoid the area?"

"I'd suggest alternate routes, if there were any. Back to you, Steve!"

"Thanks, Margie. Try not to lose your soul! Ha ha! Now, turning to the weather forecast..."

*click*


Damn. Not again.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: mammallamadevil
2005-06-24 04:38 pm (UTC)

sounds like the station I generally listen to....

that has only three letters and is an ABC affiliate...(grin)...although, in between, they generally have some interesting longer features that the 4 letter CBS affiliate does not have...

there's always satellite....MLD
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[User Picture]From: nicodemusrat
2005-06-24 04:48 pm (UTC)

Re: sounds like the station I generally listen to....

I decided, when writing it up, to intentionally genericize it (hopefully making it more broadly accesible). But I actually listen to KCBS (for traffic, at least). Which station is the ABC affiliate?
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[User Picture]From: mammallamadevil
2005-06-24 04:55 pm (UTC)

Re: sounds like the station I generally listen to....

I enjoy KGO...less traffic instead for during drivetime...the buttons on my AM side go as follows:

580
680
740
810
1070
1590 (KLIV in San Jose---actually the best budget traffic!)
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[User Picture]From: nicodemusrat
2005-06-24 05:06 pm (UTC)

Re: sounds like the station I generally listen to....

Cool. I generally listen to KCBS for traffic and top-of-the-hour headlines. Then I flip over to either KQED or a CD.
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[User Picture]From: mammallamadevil
2005-06-24 05:57 pm (UTC)

Re: sounds like the station I generally listen to....

I keep waiting, though, for the highway 17 mutiny and a fishhook revolt...(grin)...thanks again for the good laugh this morning....

MLD
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[User Picture]From: chipuni
2005-06-24 05:19 pm (UTC)
And, you know, that happons every morning in the Bay Area commute...
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[User Picture]From: polrbear
2005-06-24 06:34 pm (UTC)
But they never even mention the train that has stopped while blocking the only alternate route to get around the cracked earth/daemon/fire thing.
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