Nicodemus (nicodemusrat) wrote,

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Poems Past

I was just in the garage and dug out an old book of mine. It's a generally unremarkable book from the "young adult" or "juvenile fiction" or "whatever they're calling them whippersnappers these days" section called A Semester in the Life of a Garbage Bag by Gordon Korman. (No, really, that's the title.)

Most of the book is rather forgettable. But the gems are the assorted absurd poems. You see, two high school students need to do a semester-long project on a poet's works. They want to do someone obscure instead of the famous poets. At the last minute (since they always work at the last minute), they grab an anthology of modern poetry and pick their favorite (the poem Registration Day).

After signing up for their poet in class, they then do some research and discover that he only wrote this one poem before being struck and killed in a freak trolley accident. Unable to admit to their teacher that they did absolutely no background research before selecting this guy, they decide to write new poems and pretend they're his.

So the upshot is that the book contains a handful poems that are both enchanting and absurdly bad. Which in a way, makes them good, I suppose. Whatever their merits, I have always remembered the dang one about consomme. And now I get to share it with you! :>

Registration Day by Gavin Gunhold (Gordon Korman)
On registration day at taxidermy school,
I distinctly saw the eyes of the stuffed moose

The Bargain by Gavin Gunhold (Gordon Korman)
After the hair tonic salesman's toupee fell off,
He decided to lower the price.
So I bought six cases.
A bargain is a bargain.

Industrial Secret by Gavin Gunhold (Gordon Korman)
The oil companies don't want you to know
That the average car will run on
If you can figure out a way
To get the parsley out of the carburetor.
Tags: poetry

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