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Diablo NPC Conversation [Aug. 11th, 2005|10:00 am]
[Current Music |Diablo II Remixes]

(Somewhere in the wilderness of Diablo II, some small scruffy monsters are talking...)

Gash, the Dark Chief: Okay, guys, listen up. I hear that there's some "heroes" running around the wilderness.
Grunt, a Dark One: Oi! Let's smash them!
Gash: My thoughts exactly. Now, here's the plan. When they show up, I want you to rush right at them --
Grunt: And attack them?
Gash: NO! That'd be no good. They need to know who they're dealing with! I want you to run up to them. Stop right in front of them and yell the name of our glorious leader --
Assembled Dark Ones: Rakanishu!
Gash: Exactly. Be sure to stand there and shout it, even if they poke you with swords.
Squunch, a Dark One: What if someone already shouted it? Can I attack them?
Gash: NO! You're not getting the plan, are you? You need to stand in front of them and shout at them. That'll defeat them!
Squunch: But I thought I heard that these heroes killed our leader --
Assembled Dark Ones: Rakanishu!
Squunch: -- like two levels ago.
Gash: Quiet, infidel! We'll have none of that talk! Now, Grunt, do you have that magical glaive I gave you?
Grunt: Yeah. Can't you see I'm carrying it? It's like twice as tall as I am. But, tha thing is boss, I don't know how to use it.
Gash: No worry. We'll attack with clubs, like always. But boy will they wonder why you've got a polearm when they're looting your corpse! Heh heh!
Grunt: Waitaminute!
Gash: Shush! I think I hear them approaching... Everyone, into positions... That's right, mill about aimlessly... We'll really confuse them now!

[User Picture]From: torrle
2005-08-11 05:19 pm (UTC)
*laughs!* Good one.

Yeah, I always thought it was funny when I'd off a dark one and a friggin' tower shield pops out of them.
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[User Picture]From: kit_ping
2005-08-11 05:57 pm (UTC)
Or the little flying crow things. 'Scuse me, but where, exactly, were you carrying that long sword??
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[User Picture]From: nicodemusrat
2005-08-11 07:01 pm (UTC)
Two of them could carry it on a line strung between them... ;)
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[User Picture]From: traveller_blues
2005-08-11 07:57 pm (UTC)
Gash: "Victory is ours!" (panting)
Grunt: ... (lying in a pool of blood)
Assorted Dark Ones Remaining: Rakinishu!
Shaman: 'Mrrruh!' *foop*
Grunt: (getting up) "We killed him! Can we loot the body?"
Gash: "No, we instead shall mill about in the area, in case the foolish hero returns!"
Grunt: "But.. but, look, he has all this stuff just lying on the ground...he even has a club I can use! Healing potions, so your buddy with the marching band flag doesn't have to raise me again!"
Gash: "I tell you, he will be back for more!"
Grunt: "He's dead! He's an ex-hero! See? I'll check him for a pulse!" (pokes the body) "Nothing but this big purple cross on him!"
Gash: "Well, then, it must be his twin brother coming to avenge him, see...? Get ready!"
Dark ones: 'Rakinishu!'


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[User Picture]From: nicodemusrat
2005-08-11 08:27 pm (UTC)
Bingo. :D
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[User Picture]From: melchar
2005-08-11 10:38 pm (UTC)
...you mean as if on a length of vine? ^_^

But that'll teach 'em not to eat the treasure. Pinata monsters, anyone?
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[User Picture]From: witchofnovember
2005-08-11 08:24 pm (UTC)
Lasher: What I want you to do is, I want you to run up to the hero and explode.
Iceboar: Excuse me? Did you say explode?
Lasher: Yeah, you explode and...
Iceboar: EXPLODE? Like boom splat?
Lasher: Yeah
Iceboar: and this will kill the hero?
Lasher: Well, it will know him back and maybe hurt him.
Iceboar: Let me get this, I'm going to explode, boom splat dead, and he's going to get knocked back and maybe hurt?
Lasher: Yeah. See-
Iceboar: and I think this is a good idea because?
Lasher: Are you or are not loyal to the Lord of Destruction?
Iceboar: Oh yea yea I am, I'm just not-
Lasher: Good here he comes, remember run straight at him and explode. IN BAAL'S NAME!
Iceboar: Do I at least get virgins for this?
Lasher: Just get out there!
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[User Picture]From: nicodemusrat
2005-08-11 08:28 pm (UTC)
Yet another unrewarding career path for Diablo NPCs! :)
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[User Picture]From: witchofnovember
2005-08-11 08:34 pm (UTC)
And what are Deckard and Tireal talking about all day while I'm out getting my wolves beaten on?
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[User Picture]From: polrbear
2005-08-14 03:38 am (UTC)
Is this a reminiscence of ancient times or are you a current player? If you are still playing maybe I could join you sometime.
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[User Picture]From: nicodemusrat
2005-08-16 10:12 pm (UTC)
I still play, usually with my wife and sisters-in-law. We don't play on Battle.Net, just as a LAN game. (It allows us to make judicious backups, bail out broke chars, etc.)

I'd be happy to try to set up a game with you sometime!
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